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FAQs about the FAQ list Appendix of other interesting tidbits Announcement of Plagiarism and Quitclaim on Illegal Copyright Especially note the last FAQ in the FAQ list proper; it's a big one, describing all sorts of other online and offline BDSM resources. If this list ain't enough, go to that list! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Introduction Soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm is a Usenet discussion group, or newsgroup, about various topics including sex and bondage. This FAQ list is my set of answers to some of the most common questions in that group. You may find it interesting whether or not you've encountered s.s.b-b itself. What kinds of things are discussed on soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm? And what things are not appropriate for discussion there? Read the group's charter! And all shall be made clear. This FAQ contains explicit sexual information. If you do not wish to view such information, I advise you to skip this FAQ. If you believe this FAQ itself is obscene, I ask you to read my response to question 20. Check out what's new with the FAQ! [Also, if you're curious, check out my personal adults-only home page.] Books could be and are being written about these questions; remember, this is a thumbnail FAQ list. If you learn anything from this list, hopefully it will be how many questions there are to ask, and how much there is to learn! If you're concerned or curious about issues that you feel are breezed over here, see the very end of this FAQ for a list of wonderful books and sources of more information. And if you want more ideas or discussion about anything, well, what else is soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm for? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The FAQs Themselves What do B&D, S&M, D&S, "top", "bottom" mean? What is a "scene", and what is "negotiation"? What is a "safeword"? When is pain not pain? What are some basics of safe SM, emotionally and physically? Is everyone either a top or a bottom? What's a "switch"? How can I learn to be a good top? How can I learn to be a good bottom? Is BDSM sexual? Why is bondage fun? Why is whipping fun? What is body piercing? What is "C&B" play, or "genitorture"? What is cutting/play piercing/burning/branding/electrical play? What are "bloodsports"? What is it about breath control? Is it safe to make someone pass out? What are "golden showers"? How about "scat"? Is anal sex safe? Why do people do it? What is "fisting"? Does the way I play qualify as "real" SM? What is "real" SM, anyway? What is it about leather/latex/high heels/corsets/other fetishes? What about shaving body hair and/or crossdressing? Why am I defending SM? Is SM degrading or abusive? Were most SM people abused? Why is SM taboo, and is SM criminal, unnatural, immoral, unethical, or unhealthy? Isn't the bottom always in control? Can someone _really_ be someone else's slave? What are the "codes"? My fantasies scare me. What if I get too into SM? I want to throw a play party; how do I go about it? I want to attend a play party; what is the etiquette? What's the deal with this anonymity stuff? Are SM people being politically and socially harassed? What topics are or aren't acceptable on s.s.b-b? (including, what's s.s.b-b's charter?) I'm sick of certain topics on s.s.b-b. How can I avoid them? Also, what's with all these ads? OK, so I can't post ads to s.s.b-b. Where CAN I post them? I don't have access to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm; what can I do to get information about the scene? What are some websites/books/magazines/organizations/stores/news archives where I can get SM information or toys, or meet people in the scene? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Translations & Etc. The FAQ has (so far) been translated into four languages! (I'm putting this before the FAQs because, well, I'm quite proud and happy about this :-) If you wish to translate it into another language, or re-translate it into one of these languages, simply let me know--I have a standing policy of granting permission to do so if permission is requested--and I will link to your translation once it is available, as well as archiving it here. Thanks VERY VERY MUCH to all those who have put in time and effort so far to translate my FAQ; it is a great honor to me, and a great help to many others. There is a Japanese version online here. I have archived an old version of it here. An Italian version is here (with an older, archived copy here). A German version is online here; I've also archived it locally, here. The most recent version is Czech, currently only archived locally here. If you want to download this entire FAQ as a plain text file (in English :-), you can do so thanks to the able efforts of spectrum@magenta.com; here's his full-text copy of the FAQ. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FAQs about the FAQs Some simple questions, answered simply. What about the alt.sex.bondage FAQ? Alt.sex.bondage was the first Usenet BDSM newsgroup. It is currently overrun by advertising (as is all the alt.sex hierarchy). When soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm came about, I asked if I could convert The s.s.b.b FAQ (which I wrote) to the s.s.b-b FAQ, and people said "sure!", and I never did it. Until now. The s.s.b.b FAQ is now merely a reference to this one. I'm delighted to see how much of the "a.s.b-of-old" feeling s.s.b-b has recaptured. (Now I have much more of a life than I did then, which is basically why this FAQ has slipped... hope I haven't let the community down too badly by doing so much realtime pervery rather than virtual....) How long have you been running the FAQ? Since 1991. I've gotten a lot of thanks and suggestions in that time, and I hope to make more time to work on the guts of this FAQ, which is still (to my knowledge) the best free reference about SM on the entire Internet. (If I'm wrong about this, please let me know which sites are better, so I can add links to them!) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Appendix I'm not the only person who asks, or answers, questions about BDSM. Plenty of other SM writers are on the net, and sometimes some of them send me questions and answers of their own. I've collected some of that material here. Much of the appendix material overlaps with what I discuss in my FAQ, though not all. In any case, it's good to get other views and voices when you're learning about SM. These writings are offered in that spirit: I've done very little editing. (As a partial consequence, I may not agree with all of this information, nor would I give the same slant on some of it. So take it with a grain of salt-- as you hopefully did with my FAQ!) The author of the answer is [bracketed] before the name of their question. I wrote no text on these pages except the introduction. (I did the HTML markup, though, so blame me for mistakes therein.) [Hans Meijer] Japanese bondage, finding a partner, etc. [Jonathan Peters] Self-bondage: detailed tips [Tanith Tyrr] Cheap, creative SM toys -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Announcement of Plagiarism and Quitclaim on Illegal Copyright You would think that after having been an Internet author since 1991 (when I started writing the FAQ), I would understand something about copyright. 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Your privacy is paramount to us: visit our privacy policy to learn more. ********************************************************************************* By continuing to browse this web site you are certifying that you are over the age of 18; please read our terms of use document if you have not done so already. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Table of Contents Introduction Vibrators Dildos Anal Toys Harnesses Lubricants Toys for Men Safer Sex Supplies Miscellaneous Toys Cleaning Your Sex Toys -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Introduction Sex toys can be a wonderful enhancement to lovemaking and a source of truly spectacular pleasure. In this guide we identify and review what we feel are the best toys in each category, and link to pages where you can learn more about or purchase them. In each case, these links are to "clean, well-lit" places with long-standing reputations for good customer service. Vibrators Plug-In Vibrators and Accessories Hitachi Magic Wand This plug-in vibrator is probably the best place to start. It has a soft, round head that feels just lovely on your clit (or your feet, for that matter...). It's far and away the most popular choice. G-Spotter This attachment for the Hitachi Magic Wand (which also fits the Rechargeable Wand) curves upward slightly so that it can be used for penetration as well as G-Spot stimulation. Note: Another way to accomplish the same thing is to use your vibrator without any attachments but purchase the Wavy G dildo or a Crystal Wand. Coil Vibrator If you want a plug-in vibrator like the Hitachi Magic Wand but need it to run almost completely silently, then this would be a good choice. It comes with several attachments. Battery-Powered and Rechargeable Vibrators Rechargeable Wand This is far and away the best of the rechargeable vibrators. It carries a 45 minute charge and can also be used while it is recharging. It has the same basic shape as the Hitachi Magic Wand. eVibe This vibrator's claims to fame are that it's small, portable, and waterproof (i.e. so you can use it in a hot tub, bath, or shower). Rabbit Pearl This Japanese vibrator has a somewhat complicated but effective design: a rotating shaft vibrates and turns (the shaft has rolling, textured "pearls" inside of it that feel just lovely at the entrance of your vagina) while another part vibrates against your clit. Mini Dolphin Vibe This is a vibrator and harness combination that keeps a small dolphin-shaped vibrator nestled against your clit while leaving both your hands free. By moving one of its straps out of the way, you can enjoy it at the same time you're enjoying intercourse with a partner (you could also use one hand to press against the dolphin part and control the intensity/focus of the sensations you're receiving). The Fukuoko 9000 This is a tiny clitoral vibrator that fits over your finger. It's a perfect way to unobtrusively work in a little clitoral stimulation during intercourse with a partner (note: this works particularly well if you're on all fours or in any other position where one of your hands has a little extra freedom to move against your clit). Vibrator Tips Vibrators are fun for almost everyone, but are especially popular amongst women: using a vibrator clitorally is the easiest way for most women to reach orgasm. Here are some basic tips for getting the most out of your vibrator: If you feel comfortable making a little noise, then you'll probably find that letting yourself moan or sigh on your exhalations will improve the whole experience. Moving or rocking your hips rhythmically, in time with your breathing, can also make a big difference. If the vibrations are the right speed for you but seem too intense, then you might try either draping a thin cloth between your clit and the vibrator or else leaving a light article of clothing on. You can also try moving the vibrator to the side of your clitoris rather than keeping your vibrator directly on it. Just to see whether you prefer this sensation, try using lighter pressure but moving the head of the vibrator on your clit, rather than keeping it stationary and using heavy pressure. For those who want to take things to the next level, here are some advanced vibrator tips: If you're already comfortable moving your hips in time with your breathing, then try squeezing and relaxing your "PC" muscle (the same muscle you squeeze to stop the flow of urine when you're urinating) in time with your pelvic movements. Many women find that clitoral orgasms (e.g. from a plug-in vibrator such as the Hitachi) feel especially good when accompanied by a little penetration. The Wavy G Dildo, the Crystal Wand, and the Kegelcisor are all popular choices. Some women find they can have multiple clitoral orgasms with their vibrator. The secret is to back off on the pressure, keep the vibrator moving, and avoiding direct contact with your clit until the energy builds up again. Men can enjoy vibrators too. For men with female partners, one obvious approach is for his partner to use a vibrator on her clit during intercourse with him; the vibrations will also diffuse into his penis, a sensation which some men really like. Men can also enjoy vibrators without a partner: this is a fundamentally different experience than masturbating with your hand, as (chances are) your penis will be semi-hard through much or all of the experience rather than fully erect. However, especially if you do the rhythmic breathing and pelvis rocking and PC muscle contractions, you may find that you like the sensation a LOT. Some men find they can reach pleasurable orgasms with a vibrator without ever having a full erection. If you would like to learn more about vibrators but prefer to learn visually, then you might enjoy watching the educational videotape Great Vibrations by Carol Queen. If you would like to learn more about sex toys in general, then we recommend reading a copy of The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex. Dildos Wavy G Dildo This dildo has a very comfortable shape, including a graceful curve that gives you a good angle to exert pressure on your G-spot if you wish. It's made of silicone, a substance which is considered far superior to rubber when it comes to sex toys; silicone dildos are simple to clean, feel better, and retain body heat much better (note: just don't use them with silicone-based lubes, like I-D Millenium or Wet Platinum or Eros). Crystal Wand Many women find this beautiful, S-shaped, clear lucite dildo to be perfect for G-spot stimulation. It can also be used for prostate stimulation, and comes with an instruction manual. Kegelcisor This cool steel dildo was designed to make it easier for women to find and exercise their PC (pubococcygeal) muscles. The main feature of this toy is its weight; because it's heavier and made of smooth steel, you can firmly press against it with your vaginal muscles without pushing it out. It's featured in Betty Dodson's videotape Celebrating Orgasm, in case you want to see how it's used. By the way, this item is more expensive than most sex toys because of its construction as well as because it's also sold to doctors as a medical device. Bobbi Sue This versatile dildo has a hollowed-out area at its base into which one can insert the (included) egg-shaped vibrator. This dildo can also be used in a harness, and is made of silicone for extra comfort. Anal Toys Buddy Our culture tends to put a lot of emphasis on intercourse, but the best way to get started with anal play is with either fingers or an anal toy such as this. Unlike dildos meant for vaginal use, anal toys like this have a flanged base so they can't accidentally slip all the way inside you. If you want a vibrating sensation you can press the head of a plug-in vibrator against this toy's base. Men can tilt it forward (i.e. towards the front of their body) if they want it to stimulate the prostate gland. Harnesses These are toys that allow women and men to wear a dildo on their hips or thighs to penetrate their lovers with, while leaving their hands free. Terra Firma This is an excellent two-strap harness, notable for comfortably fitting people with a wide variety of hip sizes. You'll probably want to purchase a matching dildo to go along with it. Thigh One On This harness straps onto your thigh rather than around your hips. Two partners could each wear one and slide between each others' legs for simultaneous penetration (note: this would almost certainly work better than trying to use "double dildos," which nobody I've ever met seems to have had any luck with...). Lubricants Astroglide This is a water-based lube without Nonoxynol-9. Using lube can help make vaginal or anal penetration of any kind feel much better. Liquid Silk This is another water-based lube without Nonoxynol-9. Liquid Silk has a slightly different feel that some people prefer. Toys for Men Cock Ring Cock rings cause a feeling of extra pressure in the penis when they're put on at the base of the penis (the testicles go through them, so the ring is between the testicles and the body). This model is adjustable and flexible. Safer Sex Supplies Kimono Microthin Condoms Many men who have tried them all think these latex condoms (without Nonoxynol-9) are the best. Two newer condoms that have also been gathering great reviews are Pleasure Plus and InSpiral. Condoms should be used with used with water-based lube, such as Astroglide or Liquid Silk. Reality Condoms These "female" condoms are an alternative to male condoms for vaginal intercourse, and some people also prefer them to male condoms for anal intercourse. Glyde Dams If you want to use a latex barrier for cunnilingus or analingus, this is your best choice. Miscellaneous Toys Blindfold A fun toy for sensation or BDSM play. Wrist Cuffs Using wrist cuffs to restrain someone (i.e. in the context of consensual BDSM play) is much easier than learning to tie knots, and is safer than using metal handcuffs. Cleaning Your Sex Toys Here's what the folks at Toys in Babeland have to say about cleaning your toys: "Keep your toys clean with a little soap and warm water. If you want, break out the hydrogen peroxide for that super clean feeling. Don't submerge the part of a battery vibe that holds the batteries. Do not submerge electric vibes at all. Leather harnesses can be cleaned with a damp rag, and nylon webbing harnesses can go in the wash with the rest of your laundry. Silicone dils and plugs can be boiled up to 3 minutes, cleaned with a bleach solution, or run through your dishwasher. For more delicate polymers stick to warm water and soap, and replace them every so often, as they are impossible to keep perfectly clean. Oil products destroy latex! That means oil-based lubricants, massage oils, butter, olive oil...anything containing oil. Use only water-based lubricant with latex." The folks at Libida.com have the following advice, based on the type of material the toy is made out of: Silicone: Vastly superior to rubber or vinyl dildos, silicone warms up quickly, retains body heat, is non-porous and easy-to-clean. Cleaning: Run it through the dishwasher or boil it on the stove (3-5 minutes) and viola! -- your toy is sterilized. Jellies: These dildos are made of a translucent, soft, and flexible substance that looks like it contains air bubbles. Cleaning: This material is a non-porous form of rubber that can be cleaned with mild soap and hot water. Rubber: Firm, flexible, and often heavy, rubber dildos are porous and often need more care to clean than the average toy. Cleaning: Rubber dildos should always be used with condoms, but can be cleaned with mild soap and water. Cyberskin: This material is soft and supple, and looks and feels remarkably like skin. Cleaning: Rinse with hot water, or disinfect by putting alcohol onto a cloth and lightly rubbing (avoid soap or harsh detergents); to keep the silky feel, sprinkle with cornstarch or talc. Latex: Use only water-based lubes on latex, as oil-based substances will break it down. Cleaning: Latex is non-porous and easy to clean. Vinyl: Vinyl toys are light in weight, easy to clean, and come in many different forms and colors. Cleaning: Vinyl products are non-porous, and can be washed with mild soap and hot water. If cleaning seems like too much of a pain and you still want to use your toy with more than one person, you could always just put a latex condom (or latex glove, in the case of some larger vibrators) over your toy and discard the glove or condom when you're done. Rubber dildos are porous and it isn't really practical to completely sterilize them, so you should either put condoms on them if you're going to use them with multiple people or switch to silicone dildos (which can be boiled to disinfect them, as mentioned above). -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- See also: About Us, An Erotica Guide, Anna Marti, Betty Dodson, Books/Resources, Erotic Massage, Erotic Talk, Flirting, G-Spot Play, Hosting Erotic Events, Jack Morin, Laura Antoniou, Library Index, Local Events, Matchmaking, NightOwl, Other Cities, Our Mailing Lists, Penetration, Philanthropy, Polyamory, Portland, Primer, Reviews, Safer Sex, San Francisco, Seattle, Sex Toys, SM, Swing Community, Swinging, Tantra, Vancouver, Vena Blanchard, Video Rentals, What's New [Home] ********************************************************************* #1 Quick Peek Passes The worlds Preferred portal for free porn since 1995 #1 4 Brand New Paysites added : (04/03/02) ARE YOU READY FOR GUARANTEED FREE ACCESS TO 10 PAYSITES? 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